Just a couple of writers on a road trip through life. Hop in, hold on, and don’t forget your rain boots.

Monday, December 31, 2012

Ringing in 2013: Resolutions and Other Nonsense

It’s New Years Eve. Yup! Soon we will see DUI checkpoints all around town; the bars will be packed full of people partaking in a fair amount of good cheer, and noise makers will sound around the globe at the stroke of midnight. Happy New Year! And what is in store for us in 2013? Well, usually we pick a litany of goals, call them New Year Resolutions and then promptly fail at keeping them within roughly a month. Why do we do that? I blame commercials and celebrities, and well, I blame anything other than my own lack of commitment and motivation. Because who really wants to blame themselves? I’ve heard the saying that when you point the finger, you have three fingers point back at you (Don’t worry. I’ll wait while you try it). But you know what I say? When you point the finger, that person better take the blame because your hand easily looks like a pretend gun and you talk them into playing Cowboys and Indians with you and act crazy by hollering, “bang! bang!” Kind of like when you were a kid, but you can’t play that anymore because it isn’t politically correct, which kind of sucks because I liked playing that game. I was awesome at gun draws, but whatever. I digress.
So, picture this. You are sitting at home watching your favorite show and that Weight Watchers commercial comes on with Jessica Simpson or Jennifer Hudson saying just how easy it was for them to lose weight through Weight Watchers. We get inspired and want to lose weight too. We think, yeah. This will be easy, but then it isn’t at all. Why? Well, if I had a bunch of money like those two celebrities, maybe losing weight would be easier. I mean, in real life we don’t have nannies, a personal trainer, a landscaper, an interior designer, a personal assistant, and a private chef.  We work hard! Some of us work 80 hours a week, keep a clean house, make meals for their family, keep their yard maintained by themselves, and figure out how to organize their own social calendar just to name a few of the things we normal people do. With all these responsibilities, it is no wonder that we fail. So, I have a proposition. Yes, a radical solution to a complex problem.
I say we start a campaign to get celebrities to fund just one of these “life helpers” to us, the little guys.  Give me your personal chef, Jennifer Hudson. Give the next person your nanny, Jessica Simpson. I bet you it will make losing weight through Weight Watchers that much easier. What a concept!!
I think I need a red hooded cape like this
But in all honesty, we should really take it easier on ourselves regardless of the resolution or maybe we should go for something totally insane. I mean it. I’m going to resolve to organize a flash mob in 2013. Or maybe I will create my own alter ego and spend some time in the shoes of said alter. I think my alter ego should wear a cape like red riding hood, or a tiara. Nah. Tiara’s are a sign of refinement and that is something I am definitely not. Although I think my alter will have a job at an organic applesauce shop and will talk with extreme exuberance about the various varieties of apples and smell of cinnamon-y goodness. My alter will wear hemp shoes and carry a leather purse—a walking contradiction. Should I mention that I already own the hemp shoes?  Oh how fun!  But really, I guess I should probably decide what I want to resolve to accomplish this year because 2013 is breathing down my neck. And I’m torn about what to choose. Regardless, I’m going to try to be realistic, or maybe not. Because succeed or fail, I will have one thing to fall back on, an epic 2013 resolution.
 Happy New Year!!
Stephanie D. Birch has served pancakes in the Flapjack Olympics. She plans to flip again in the 2013 games with has no plans to retire. She has not used performance enhancing substances to attain her pancake flipping sports career.

No comments:

Post a Comment