I’m struggling to remember an attribution for a quote. I’m
too lazy to go searching for it—Google didn’t have the answer, and I’m out. But
I think it’s from a movie. Paraphrased, it’s this: People don’t change. They
get better or they get worse, but they don’t change.
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| Photo courtesy of Sean MacEntee |
I think it’s nice to believe that people will change. That a
person with bad habits, like someone who has a problem with fidelity, will
suddenly experience a change of heart and be true to that one love of his or
her life, forever. That someone who makes cutting little remarks meant to take
down other people’s self-esteem—those sneaky insult/compliment types, where
they’re like all wow, I love your sweater, it really brings out your eyes and
hides the fact that you have a giant ass—will suddenly be nice as pie and
sincere and never say jackwagon things that make you want to punch them in the
face. I don’t believe they will change, but I always hope. I never really
learn. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, because just because they
verbally crotch punched me once doesn’t mean they will do it again.
I wish I could talk people out of letting those un-changer
types crotch punch them repeatedly. It would save so much trouble if people
knew that they were going to get hurt ahead of time. It’s not realistic. If
someone I loved and trusted implicitly had sat me down and very earnestly
explained to me that I was making a huge mistake right when I was in the middle
of making a huge mistake, I’d like to think I’d be different than 99 percent of
people and I would have listened. But I know myself. I wouldn’t. Because it’s
not how people work. It’s not really how the world works. We all have to make
mistakes and get hurt or there would be no need for breakup songs. Or love
songs, for that matter, because we’d all be practical and smart and logical and
we’d listen to older, wiser, more experienced folks and save ourselves some
trouble.
So here’s to making mistakes and having faith in people even
when they don’t deserve it. Here’s to getting out there and making that
mistake, even if it hurts like hell, because I tried. I put myself out there
and tried. Here’s to rejection and cruelty and letting it all roll off my back.
Here’s to silencing the voice inside my head that says can’t, won’t, don’t even
try. To cutting out the vocal chords of those who would pull me down or push me
down or tell me that it’s not worth my time or trouble. Here’s to silencing the
negative me, my naysaying and faithlessness in human nature. Screw the
unbelievers. I believe in change. I believe in trying. I believe. I believe. I
believe.
What do you believe in? Can people change? Is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results really the definition of insanity, or is it just persistence and determination? Leave your comment below or pigeons will (might) poop on your head.
Julie Simmons-Wixom is a true believer. Email her if you want to talk more.
I believe in God's power, not my own. Sorry....I know, such a "religious" response. But I have lived through enough now that its really true in my life and not just the "right" thing to say. I believe that anyone can change...getting better or getting worse is changing...isn't it? I believe where there is breath there is hope. I have to believe these things...why would we continue on if there was no hope of anyone every changing? Including ourselves. Great post Stephanie. Lots to think about it here.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment, Annette. I completely agree with you-- God's power is definitely the best. I guess this post stemmed more out of my belief in others-- maybe not so much belief as faith in them, in their ability to do something. I have to believe that even though I haven't made it yet, I need to keep trying to publish. But when it comes to changing, I think that people stay who they are. I'm the same me-- the same positive outlook, bubbly optimist I always have been. I'm not always optimistic, but I would say that personality trait never changes for me. Does that make sense? I've learned things and gotten better (I hope) over the years, but I'm still ME. This started as a philosophical debate that occurred in my kitchen around the subject of infidelity. We were talking about whether or not a person who had cheated a few times would ever change. I think probably no. I think some things are habits that you can grow out of, and I believe that people can get "better," as the quote at the top says, but I also think if a person has it in him to cheat once, or twice, or three times, there is some pretty hardcore data indicating he'll do it a fourth time. And maybe he won't. I like to think he won't. But would I be able to trust again? Tough question and one I know I'll never have to ask personally, thank goodness for amazing husbands on that score :-) This post also came from looking at human nature and saying yes, I think that even though that person has continually let me down, they're not going to this time. And then they do. And I am okay with the idea that I trusted them anyway, because I also believe in chances. And now, to contradict myself completely, I also believe in walking away and not letting a person hurt me anymore. I forgive, I move on, and I don't like the idea of a final goodbye for someone I love who has hurt me. But I won't put myself in their path anymore, either. I hope they will change. I hope they will get better. I believe. But I am not willing to get hurt over and over again, after I've given them all the faith in them that I have.
DeleteIt was a dual post idea in that way, and maybe not clearly executed as a post in that respect. I was thinking about myself and my struggles as a writer and how I am constantly believing in something happening that is about as likely as me getting drafted into the NBA or winning the lottery without buying a ticket. But I'll keep believing. And about how people let me down, and I'll keep believing, until I don't anymore. Can a tiger change his stripes? Maybe. Or maybe he wasn't a tiger to begin with, but just a cat with stripes and a huge ego.
It isn't a religious response. At least I wouldn't call it that. I think it is real response. Thanks for sharing! And actually, I can't take credit for this post. My fellow Writer Freak, Julie wrote this one and she is pretty freakin' awesome!
ReplyDeleteAw, you're freaking awesome too Stephanie! I should know-- we can smell our own :-)
DeleteI believe if you are doing what you are passionate about, you are successful. The only remaining question is, how do you measure success?
ReplyDeleteHmm. That's a thinker. Maybe with a yardstick, although it seems like many people are going metric these days. :-) But seriously, that is a very complex question and I really had to think a lot about it. I think it will be a whole blog post because I was going to comment and reply on this, but it got longer and longer and I realized there is a lot more to the idea of 'success' than just a simple answer. Stay tuned, Anonymous. And thanks for hurting my brain today :-)
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